Their Dad
by rightforlife
Summary: If it was one thing that united the Avengers, it was their crappy childhoods. So of course they all decided that Bruce Banner of all people was the best man fit to take the position of DAD. Not that Bruce had any say in this at all... No pairings, No slash, family/team fic, FLUFF.


**Eh, I got bored, and I ADORE the Avengers, so this little thing came to mind. Fluff:)**

**They're not a time-bomb any more, they're a family.**

* * *

If someone asked the Avengers who their leader was, they would all respond with the same answer: Steve Rogers. The guy gave orders, and people followed them, even Hulk did. Well, that was mostly because Steve would tell the big guy to _SMASH _or _CRUSH_ or something like that, but deep down, the green giant enjoyed taking the orders.

But it was only in public that Steve was the leader. Though he might have been 94 years old, physically and mentally, he was only 25, which made him the youngest out of all of them. Well, besides Thor, but no one knew how old Thor really was in human years.

See, the real leader of the Avengers , the person who held everything together, was the one who kept the level head. The one who didn't find fault in the littlest detail. The one who didn't think that binge drinking was fun. The one who resolved arguments _without_ pulling out a weapon of any sort. The one who was the _sanest_ of them all.

The real leader of the Avengers was obviously Bruce Banner.

Okay sure, the man had, as Tony put it, _breathtaking anger management issues_, and serious lack of self-esteem but if you disregarded the Hu...the other guy, Bruce Banner was just a shy, quiet, and exceptionally kind man who had the patience and control of a saint, and a mind that rivaled Tony Stark's without the arrogance.

The others came to him whenever they had a problem, sitting on his ratty, yet comfortable couch, settling down, and just telling him whatever came to mind.

Bruce was the unofficial shrink of the group, the fabulous listener, who despite saying that he wasn't _that_ type of doctor, absorbed everyone's problems, and spit out suggestions as to how to improve those problems.

That's how he knew that Clint secretly loved watching Natasha shoot on the target range because his mind started to fantasize about her teaching shooting to their hypothetical children, which, judging by the not so secret looks that Natasha gave Clint, could turn into very real children.

He also knew that Natasha knew that Clint was watching her, and didn't care. She actually enjoyed it and watched him shoot arrows straight into the bullseye.

He knew that Thor couldn't understand why Jane hadn't excepted his gift of three freshly slaughtered goats as a declaration of his undying love.

He knew that Jane appreciated the thought behind the gift, but the blood stains on her small apartment's carpet were impossible to remove.

He knew that Steve was woefully ignorant when it came to anything after the 1940's, so Bruce had showed him how to use a cellphone, (a flip phone). Right now, they were getting started on computer's. Bruce had fifteen e-mails from the man, all with the letters _asnsfjlhdfgnsdkjfsklgjw_ or some variation of that. He also knew that Steve was more afraid of a scantily clad woman then any monster or alien that he had ever fought. Which is why he also knew that Steve was still a virgin...

He knew that Tony was not the man that the media thought he was, that he actually cared about all of them deeply, and that we was more scared of losing Pepper than anything in the world. He also knew that Tony hated apples, _despised_ cucumbers, _It's like eating my own...you know, _and that he ate both of them because Pepper loved them.

So he knew all of these things, and he also knew that without knowing these things, there wasn't a purpose to his life. This was _his_ team, they accepted him and the other guy with, at first, open yet wary arms. And now, he was _their_ Hulk, their unofficial mascot.

Bruce was also, frankly put, the _dad_ of the dysfunctional family, with Pepper being the obvious mother. It had been Clint who had made the analogy a couple weeks after they all started living in Stark Tower, which in turn had caused Tony to look at Pepper, give her a lecherous look, and tell her,"_Looks like Freud was right. How about we test out that Oedipus Complex Theory right now?"_

And then he had been slapped. And then Bruce had been insulted, because if indeed Freud was right, that meant that Tony hated him. And then Tony had proceeded to hug Bruce and declare that they were _Science Bros_ for life, and that no woman would ever get in between them.

And then Pepper had walked away, hiding a secret smile. But Tony thought she was furious, so he _had_ to chase after her and apologize profusely...

Basically, that had just been a typical Tuesday morning.

At the moment though, Bruce wanted nothing more than to escape to his lab in Stark Tower, and work on some fascinating, yet tedious projects to give him an excuse not to do..._this._

_This_ entailed getting dressed properly, combing unruly hair, sitting in a car, and talking to other people.

_This_ was dinner.

Dinner was fine inside, why did they have to go out to eat? Take-out worked every other day. But Tony had insisted...demanded, that all of them, the six Avengers have a night out on the town, just enjoying and relaxing.

But Bruce knew, that whenever they got together in public places, something _always _happened.

"So Brucey!" Tony clapped his hands together in front of the man, frowning when Bruce didn't flinch or react in anyway.

"What, Tony?"

"Don't sigh at me, BFF! What do you want to eat?"

Bruce took off his glasses and put down the newspaper he was reading. "It doesn't matter to me, you guys decide."

He grimaced at Tony's pout. It _wasn't_ adorable, not matter what Tony thought.

"I like Thai." Natasha said suddenly, sharpening her knife as did so. Next to her, he saw Steve flinch away, and Clint scoot his chair slightly to the left.

"Thai's good." Clint gulped, not wanting to be stabbed through the eye for disagreeing with the deadly woman.

"It is decided then!" Thor boomed, and Bruce swore that his voice shook the room. "Tonight, we shall FEAST!" The demi-god grinned at Bruce. "After today, friend Bruce, I believe that you and I deserve it."

The two of them had been in Peru until about five hours ago, taking down a small army of creatures who had decided to nest at Machu Picchu and terrorize the locals. The entire mission had taken a couple hours, and Thor and the Hulk had been heroes to those around them. It wasn't too tiring, but Bruce would have liked to relax in his lab peacefully instead of having dinner.

"I know it's not Indian, Bruce," Tony smiled apologetically, "But it's still Asian cuisine. Sort of similar, right?"

He just smiled wanly. "Sure, whatever." It was futile to argue anyway. Still, some Chicken Makhani wouldn't be too bad right now...

An hour later, when all of them were dressed to Tony's liking, because he had decided to pick the most expensive and lavish of all Thai restaurants which required a dress code, they were off in a Stark limo.

The interior of the car was quiet. Tony was playing around with his gadgets, Natasha was resting her heeled feet on Clint's lap, Clint was looking out the window, Steve was entranced by all the colors outside, and Thor...Thor was attempting to buckle his seat-belt, and ended up breaking it instead.

Bruce sighed, it was a resigned sigh, like he knew that he was going to his death, but going anyway. Usually, he enjoyed silence, _thrived_ and _strived_ for it, but right now, it was unnerving and unsettling, something that the other guy didn't like too much.

"Steve?" He asked the younger man. "How was your day?"

Steve jumped, but regained his bearings quickly. His eyes lit up in excitement. "I went to China Town today! It was amazing! People sell _anything_ down there. I met this really old lady, I think she was even older than I am, and she gave me a big hug plus some fresh green tea leaves. I left them in your cabinet because I know that you'll appreciate that more than any of us. Did you know that there's a monument for Chinese soldiers who died in the War?"

Bruce chuckled softly at Steve's enthusiasm. It was good to see the man enjoying the city that he had loved for so long. "Thanks, Steve! I didn't know that, but maybe you could tell me more about it later over some green tea."

Steve nodded, the shy smile on his face not fading. "Sure!"

"And you Clint, what did you do today?"

The archer shot a playful grin at Bruce. "I went with him, to make sure he didn't offend the locals. Plus, I got him to eat Octopus and told him it was chicken." The grin turned sinister.

Steve looked physically sick, and very angry.

Before it could go on, Bruce held up a hand, not wanting to Hulk out in the car. "Boys." He said sharply, ending any building argument. "Stop."

He looked to Clint who still looked unapologetic and let out a breath. "Apologize to Steve."

"But!"

"No buts. Apologize or no Pad Thai for you."

"Fine." Clint grumbled, but held out his hand to Steve. "Sorry."

"It's okay." Steve took Clint's hand. "It tasted good for something that looks so gross."

Thor guffawed loudly. "Friend Bruce! You have done it again!"

"Done what again?" The scientist looked confused.

"You have done what friend Clint calls, "The Father Thing."" Thor smirked at the incredulous look on Bruce's face.

"Woah, you're totally right Thor!" Tony exclaimed excitedly. "You smoothed everything over in a heartbeat! Just like a dad does." Tony's expression turned slightly wistful, and everyone knew what he was thinking about.

"But still!" Bruce protested. "What the hell do you mean? I'm not your dad!"

"Oh yeah?" Natasha entered the conversation, smirking wickedly at him. "Let me tell you some things, _dad_."

He blanched at the name.

"You just asked how Steve's day was, and then you asked how Clint's day was. You _listened_ to them, actually _wanted _to know how it was. Then you broke up a potential fight between two 'brothers'." She held up her hand to stop him from saying anything else. "Last week, you and Pepper verbally berated Tony for doing a mission by himself without him telling anyone, and _sent him to his room._"

"And then you overrode my controls on JARVIS." Tony grumbled remembering the fury and concern in both of their eyes when he came home bruised and bloody which made him smile unconsciously.

"You know how self-destructive he is! I was just worried about him! We all were." Bruce tried to defend himself. It wasn't that he wasn't flattered, but this was going beyond flattery and straight into the realm of _crazy. Him,_ Bruce Banner, _dad _of the Avengers? As if...

This conversation wasn't going where he wanted it to go.

"Yeah, but most of us don't tuck Tony in at night, and don't leave his room until he's asleep."

Bruce gaped at Natasha. That was supposed to be private. Of course she had seen that. Damn JARVIS for spreading the footage to everyone.

But that was taken out of context...true, he had waited until Tony fell asleep to leave, but that was because the overgrown idiot didn't know how to properly take care of himself, and he would wear himself out if he didn't start right now. If anything, Bruce was acting like a brother, not a father.

"There was the time where you made me, Clint, and Natasha a full homemade meal," Steve added slowly, "because you said that it was important to experience what one felt like." The man looked straight into Bruce's eyes. "Even though we all knew that you've never had one either."

Bruce flinched when all of them looked at him. If it was one thing that united the Avengers, it was their crappy childhoods. Even Thor, the son of a King, hadn't exactly been loved and coddled in between the various wars that he had won.

"And I recall when Friend Bruce took me to my first movie!" Thor cried out enthusiastically. "He even bought me the wondrous creation you Midgardians dub "Popcorn!" And afterward, because my stomach was still empty, he bought me Poptarts because frie..._Father_ Bruce knew that I could not sleep without eating an entire box!"

The entire team sans Bruce were holding their hands over their mouths as they looked at the downright stricken expression on his face after Thor had called him Father. Though the God had probably said that in jest, everyone could hear the clear emotions in Thor's voice as he said those words.

"Remember a couple months ago, during that one battle, where most of us were wounded, and Hulk decided to create that cave for us?" Clint smiled warmly at the clearly uncomfortable man.

"Right! He kind of just picked us up, closed off the entrance, and decided to kill those things by himself before coming back, taking us out of the cave, letting us ride on his back, and carry us down to safety!" Tony was grinning from ear to ear at Bruce who was staring at his hands, _still_ in shock that the other guy had done that. It was kind of amazing...and something that was not helping in defending himself.

He was _NOT_ their father! Even though he did feel kind of warm and tingly all over right now. But that was probably because of the Armani suit that Tony had forced him into.

"Does this mean I can call you dad?"

Before Bruce could chuck his shoe at Clint, the restaurant came into view, and he breathed out a sigh of relief. The conversation inside had been plain _weird_.

* * *

The manager of the restaurant gaped when she saw the six of them walk in. It wasn't everyday that you see the Avengers solicit your restaurant. She looked outside, no doubt looking for the ten foot green giant, not knowing that the most unnoticeable member of their group was indeed that very same person. Bruce's identity as the Hulk was not common knowledge, and it was his choice to keep it that way because he had seen the way Steve was mobbed in the streets, and had no desire for that.

"Reservation for Bruce Banner please." Tony said smoothly, ignoring the incredulous look he was getting from said man.

"R..right this way, sir." She shakily led them to a table in the corner where they could still be seen by everyone and anyone who was looking.

Tony let out a large _whoop _as he sat down, earning a disapproving look from Bruce.

"Guys..." Tony mock whined, "_Dad_ is glaring at me."

Snickers were heard all over the table.

Bruce was doing his best to keep his cool, he really was. But when he felt the other guy laughing..._laughing_ at him, that was when he started to calm his breathing, knowing that the other guy wasn't exactly going to let him change that quickly. The Hulk was actually _enjoying_ being called a father.

"Okay, order whatever you want." Tony muttered, scanning the menu.

"Um..." Steve stared at the choices. Even though he had been awake for nearly six months now, he had been eating food that he knew, only trying Chinese and Indian so far, and liking both immensely. He was lost in anything foreign, and needed help.

As it so happened, _dad_ was sitting next to him.

"Here," Bruce pointed to a dish. "Pad Thai is a vastly popular noodle dish, and it's a great start for becoming indoctrinated in Thai cuisine. If you want something with a bit more meat, I would get Chicken with Cashew Nuts, but ask for it really mild."

Steve shot him a grateful look before smirking mischievously. "Thanks..._dad_."

Bruce stiffened, but couldn't bring himself to be angry at the Captain.

So he just sighed, and shook his head. "You're welcome, kiddo."

"OOH." Clint howled. "Look, dad and little bro are _bonding._"

"Little bro?" Steve looked offended. "I'm older than all of you!"

"True, but when we're not in the field, you look so _cute _and _adorable_ and...lost." Clint retorted.

Steve actually couldn't refute that.

"Boys..." Bruce actually physically winced as he said that. Oh God. They were right. He was going to watch what he said around them from now on.

"Are you all set to order?" A pretty waitress came over, notepad in hand before her eyes widened when she realized who was sitting at this table.

She was more than slightly overwhelmed when orders were being thrown at her. All she could do was write down whatever she could and keep asking again and again. The huge blond guy was drowning everyone out with his voice, and she could see that a bespectacled man right in front of her who didn't look like he belonged in this group rub his temples.

Bruce had a headache. Scratch that. _Hulk_ had a headache. This was getting ridiculous. They were getting weird looks, and he just wanted to go home. When they finally did go home, he was going to kill each of them slowly and painfully.

He couldn't take it. All this noise was going to make him Hulk-out if he didn't say something.

"I WOULD LIKE THE-"

"ENOUGH!" Bruce bellowed, finally losing his cool and efficiently drowning out Thor's voice. He was well aware of the looks that he was getting not only from his team, but also from those around him.

Putting on a pleasant smile, he looked at the frightened waitress and eased her fear slightly. "Forgive me for scaring you."

"N...not at all." She stammered.

Smiling wider, Bruce continued. "We'll take five vegetable Pad Thais, and five chicken. Seven fried rices, please make them all shrimp, seven Chicken with Cashew nuts, please make that mild, so like a one on your spice scale." He paused, eyes roaming around his still silent table. "Also, we'll have five Green Curry's, vegetarian will be fine, and I think for appetizers, spring rolls, twelve plates. That should be enough for now." Quick as lightening, Bruce gathered the menus, and handed them back to the stunned waitress. "Oh, and I'll have a green tea, please."

Turning back to his wayward table, each of them were leveled with _the _look. The look that Bruce gave them when he was very disappointed with them. The _dad_ look.

He took off his glasses and ran a hand through his already disheveled hair. "You guys will be the death of me."

At that, Clint and Tony high-fived, Natasha had a small blush on her face, Thor looked extremely pleased with himself, and Steve just said, "Aw shucks. Thanks!"

Bruce palmed his face. That wasn't supposed to be a compliment.

* * *

Dinner went...not so smoothly. Since Bruce was already weary from the mission, he and Thor pretty much devoured the puny appetizers, while the others ate at a more human pace. Natasha looked petite, but she packed down more food than an average man, and then some.

Halfway through the meal, Clint decided that noodles were boring to eat, but very fun to throw. Of course, his target was Natasha who retaliated with the fried rice. Thor, bless his soul, was entranced, by as he called it, "_The Heavenly mixture in my mouth_", and ate anything and everything in sight. Steve too, was enjoying the meal, and he and Bruce were having a polite conversation about baseball when a glob of curry landed straight on top of Bruce's head. And then on top of that curry, Natasha's rice, along with a piece of shrimp slowly dripped down Bruce's hair.

The table went deathly quiet which in turn caused the entire restaurant to cease talking and stare at the Avenger's table, wondering what was going on with the Earth's Mightiest Heroes.

_Breathe Bruce. Om. Just remember Om. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inha-SPLAT._

Tony was grinning like an idiot when the noodles that he had catapulted landed squarely in the middle of Bruce's forehead. And then he saw the man's expression.

Bruce stood. Very slowly.

There was a smile on his face.

Clint thought that he had peed.

Wiping off both the curry and noodles, Bruce curled his hands into fists.

Natasha was sure that she saw a flash of green in the man's eyes.

"Clint?" Bruce's voice echoed in the silent restaurant.

"Yes sir?" The archer _eeped_ at the vein in Bruce's forehead.

"How old are you?"

"27."

"Natasha?"

"26."

"Tony?"

The billionaire coughed into his napkin, wanting to avoid the question entirely.

"Tony?" There was a sharper edge to Bruce's voice that had the man answering quickly.

"45."

_Inhale. Exhale. Om. Buddha. Om Namaha Shivaya. Inhale. Exhale. Yoga. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Sun Salutations._

"So," Bruce picked up his knife, and twirled it carelessly in his fingers, inwardly wondering if he should have become an interrogator instead of a physicist.

"So." Clint parroted back, shutting up at the dangerous look in Bruce's eyes.

"So we have three people, three _adults_, who decide that throwing a food fight in one of the most expensive restaurants in New York City is appropriate?"

Bruce's tone was _oh_ so casual, but it was the way he said those words that made one feel so small.

"To be fair-"

"It was a rhetorical question Tony." Bruce cut him off harshly. "You guys are damned lucky that I like you, and I'm more annoyed than angry, otherwise all you _puny humans_ would be very, very, hurt."

"Doubt it." Clint muttered under his breath, remembering all the times the Hulk had saved their lives, and the genuine compassion the beast had showed towards all of them.

"Did you say something, kid?" Bruce growled.

Clint looked like the description of innocent as he repositioned his bow tie. "Nope. Sorry for the curry, dad."

"And the rice, dad."

"And the noodles, dad who is younger than me."

Bruce was silent for a full moment before he nodded to himself and said, "Steve, Thor, come with me."

The two Avengers stood, not sure what was going on. Reporters were eagerly snapping pictures of this mystery man who was seemingly splitting the legendary group up.

"See these two?" Bruce pointed at the blonds. "They're the good kids, the kids with whom _I_ will be getting a pizza or seven with."

The briefest flash of hurt flashed across Clint's face, and Bruce was doing his hardest not to sit back down and eat like nothing had happened, but this time, he wouldn't cave to that puppy dog face.

"Okay, go." Tony drawled, but he too looked hurt. "The three of us will be fine. Bye!"

Bruce turned around, taking Steve and Thor with him. The demi-God turned around and quickly finished off what was in his plate before scurrying back to Bruce's side.

"I'll see the three of you at home." He said curtly, ignoring the looks that he was getting. His heartbeat was surprisingly calm.

_Flick_.

_Splat._

_Inhale. Exhale. You will NOT throttle Tony. You WILL NOT THROTTLE-_

"ANTHONY STARK!"

"Hey."

"DO. NOT. THROW. NOODLES. AT. MY. HEAD."

"Aww come on, _dad. _Why not?"

"BECAUSE MEN WHO ARE OF 45 YEARS OF AGE DO NOT DO THAT! I"M 43 AND I DEFINITELY DO NOT DO THAT."

Tony just gave Bruce a look. "Clearly, you haven't met me."

Behind him, Steve and Thor made no attempt to hide their laughter at the sight of his Pad Thai covered head.

Shaking a finger at them, Bruce made his voice deadly calm, still amazed that the other guy hadn't shown up. "When we get home, Pepper and I are going to have a talk with you."

Tony pressed a hand to his chest and mock cried.

"Oh no, Tony. You've gone and made him mad." Natasha deadpanned, swallowing a forkful of those blasted noodles.

Bruce dented the chair that he was holding onto. With one swift motion, he downed the last of his tea, and left the room, Steve and Thor by his side, shooting smug glances at the other Avengers.

The second the trio left the room, reporters who had come from God knows where surrounded the other three and started asking questions.

"Mr. Stark, who was that man?"

"Mr. Stark, was that your driver?"

"Hawkeye, is it true that you and that man are lovers?" (Clint choked at this point)

"Black Widow, would you care to comment?"

"Mr. Stark, is there a reason as to why you flicked food at that man?"

"Hawkeye, what is your relationship with Black Widow?"

The last question was completely unnecessary, but it caused both Clint and Natasha to roll their eyes and stand up. Dinner was clearly over because not only was there food everywhere, but Tony had also thrown down what looked like a grand on the table.

"TO answer your questions..." Tony flicked some rice off of his pristine suit. "_That man_, was not our driver, he is _not_ Hawkeye's lover. But speaking of which." Tony leaned in dramatically, the reporters following his every move. "A little birdy told me that he's madly in love with a certain spider..."

"Tony." Natasha's voice had turned ice cold, but Tony being Tony couldn't care less.

"Wait," Iron Man said slowly, backtracking the questions. "You seriously don't know who he is?"

"Should we?" One of the reporters asked.

"Hell yes!" Tony pulled out his phone and showed all of them a picture of the angry man who had stalked out of the restaurant with the two other Avengers. It was one of Bruce, Clint, Thor, and Natasha dozing on the couch, with Bruce in the middle, and the others curled up besides him.

Natasha's eyes widened when she saw it, and she promised to herself that Tony was going to die when they got home.

"He's the Hulk!" Tony cried out. "You know, the jolly green giant, the adorkable one, the one who saved my life?"

Everyone in the restaurant looked incredulous.

"_He's_ the Hulk? That man, the one who looks like he couldn't even hurt a fly?" The reporter recalled how the man had left quickly, and the noodles dropping off of him. "And you threw _food_ at him?

"What can I say, we all have split personalities. And relax, Bruce is brilliant at controlling when he transforms. He's not going to go green just because we pissed him off." Tony said airily, smirking slightly. It wouldn't hurt Bruce to be loved by the public. "But the other guy, as Bruce, and that's this guy's name, Bruce Banner, brilliant physicist and doctor, who is also the new head of my R&D department. Him and I work together on new products and stuff. Like I was saying, the other guy's not the monster that we think he is. The Hulk's pretty intelligent, and he's given nicknames to everyone."

"He's Tin Man." Clint joined in the conversation, Natasha by his side. "I'm Legolas, cuz Tony decided that was the best name for me."

"I'm Spidey." Natasha muttered, still bitter over her nickname. She also remembered that Clint and her hadn't sparred in a while...

"Steve is called Sparkly, and Thor is known as Ham. Which is short for Hammer." Tony finished, knowing the press was lapping up their every word

"You wanna know what we call him?" Natasha asked casually.

The glint in Clint's eye as he replied was positively dangerous.

"Dad."

* * *

Thor and Steve, Bruce had decided, were his favorites. They _listened _to him, unlike the other three. They also enjoyed drinking tea with him.

Bruce had sent them to bed, because it was clear that they were tired, and no doubt the other three were off drinking somewhere. So it was just Bruce and his tea, and a physics journal. Now _this_, was his ideal night.

A soft hand on his shoulder broke him from his reverie. He looked up to see the angelic face of Pepper Potts looking down on him.

"Tired?" She asked him softly, sitting next to him.

"Exhausted." Bruce sighed. "The kids are a handful."

One of Pepper's eyebrows went up. "Kids?"

He groaned, placing his head in his hands. "I've been around them too much. Today, at one point, _all_ of them called me dad, or in Thor's case, father."

"Bruce." Pepper said softly, looking at the man who she considered one of the gentlest souls in the universe. He was also quickly becoming one of her best friends. "I don't think you realize how much you mean to them, _especially_ the younger ones out of this wayward family."

Bruce's lips turned up. "Family?"

"Yep." She said firmly, a smile on her face. "Family." She sighed, and stared at the clock which read 12:54. "To be honest, at times, I feel less like Tony's girlfriend and more like his mother."

He chuckled at that, fingering the rim of his mug which had his face and the Hulk's face plastered over it. Each Avenger had one. His expression turned morose again. "It's just that, when Clint first said that I was the dad of this..._family_, I couldn't get the image of my own father out of my head."

Pepper stroked his back, encouraging him to go on.

"He was a jerk of the highest degree, always hitting mom and I, and mom was too weak to do anything. I...I don't want to be like him." Bruce didn't look her in the eye as he said this.

"Oh Bruce." Pepper rested her head on his shoulder in a sisterly manner. "All of you guy's haven't had great childhoods, but with you, I know that Steve, Clint, and Natasha feel comfortable. They look at you as a father figure, they respect you, they love pushing your buttons, and they couldn't care less about the other guy. I'm pretty sure that Thor _adores_ you, and loves to play around with the Hulk. And Tony, with you, he's found a brother, a person who _speaks his language_, a person with whom he can connect with on an intellectual level. You're like the peanut-butter to his jelly."

The man found that his throat was quite dry therefore he couldn't speak, but his eyes communicated volumes with the red-head.

Pepper patted him on the shoulder and ruffled his hair. "Think about it, _dad_." And with that, she waltzed back to her and Tony's room.

Bruce watched her leave, and laughed. "I will..._mom_."

* * *

"Are you mad?" Clint asked, flopping down on Bruce's couch.

"I'm always mad remember? That's my secret."

"Yeeahhh suuuree."

Bruce sighed and turned to face the younger man. He studied his spiky brown hairs and pale eyes. But what really drew his attention was the sprinkling of scars that covered Clint's arms and legs. Scars so small, yet they spoke so much. He was younger than Bruce had expected. 27. And Natasha was 26. He had finished his Phd at the age of 26 and turned into the monster a few years later. A decade had passed since that had happened though.

"I'm not mad, Clint. I just wanted some quiet time yesterday, and I didn't get it." He said finally.

"Oh."

Natasha entered the room, sitting between Clint's legs, looking very comfortable there.

"He's not mad." Clint told her immediately.

Bruce was surprised at the relief that coursed through the woman's face. But then his surprise turned to anger when he again saw scars littering her bare arms. So many. _Too many._

The emotion that he felt right now was not one that the other guy liked. He felt anger, rage, towards the ones who had _dared_ hurt his...his...friends? No. Not friends. His family.

Bruce leaned against his desk for support, hoping to whatever Gods existed that he wouldn't change now. Not when the kids wanted to talk to him.

"Bruce, are you okay?" Natasha asked cautiously, stepping forward slightly.

It was strange. Just a few months ago, Natasha would have stepped _back_.

"I'm fine, really. It's just that, the other guy doesn't like how you two have those...injuries all over you. He seriously wants to hurt the people who did that to you."

The other guy also didn't like the surprise on their faces. Even though these two were trained killers, they should know what it felt like to be cared for.

So should he...

Bruce looked at the paperwork on his desk and sighed. Looking at the couple in front of him, he grinned. "You guys want to blow off some steam?"

* * *

When the rest of the Avengers plus Pepper heard the strange noises coming from the training room, they were beyond surprised at what they saw.

Because there was the Hulk, lying down on the floor, throwing up two master assassins at the same time, and then catching them. Tony discretely told JARVIS to record all of this.

Natasha was squealing, honest to God squealing. Clint was laughing his head off, clearly enjoying himself.

It was then that the jolly green giant spotted them.

With one finger, he beckoned all of them to come to his side. Clint and Natasha were smiling stupidly on his stomach.

"Legolas, Spidey," He pointed at the two of them. "Ham, Sparkly, Tin Man, Peppy, play too." The Hulk paused for a moment and looked around. "Where Coco? He no come to play?"

Coco? Oh, Coulson. He was like the Uncle who sometimes visited, but when he did, he brought all the best candy so everyone loved him.

"Yeah, sorry buddy." Pepper said. "Coulson has to work."

The green giant actually looked sad, because he genuinely liked the man, and wanted to play with him. Oh well, he still all of them.

"PLAY!"

So one by one, because no one wanted to argue with the Hulk, and everyone wanted to be thrown twenty feet in the air, they all enjoyed being thrown up in the air and caught. The Hulk...or was it Bruce, was actually laughing along with them.

"Thanks...dad." Clint whispered softly.

Suddenly, he was whisked up by his shirt and placed at eye level with the Hulk. There was no fear in Clint's eyes, only happiness.

The Hulk grunted, and gently patted his kid on the head. "Bruce likes Legolas. Bruce says you...you...you rrrrrr wel-cum kiddo."

All of a sudden Steve was there too. "Thanks dad!" He exclaimed. The Hulk did the same with him as well.

"_Spasibo, papa._" Natasha murmured in Russian against the Hulk's heart. She too received a pat on the head.

"I too shall join in the merriment!" Thor boomed. With a giant _whoop_, he landed right on Hulk's thigh, earning him a flick on the forehead which sent him flying. Laughing jauntily, Thor lazed about on the Hulk's chest next to Natasha, memorizing the beast's breathing pattern and thinking to himself that he could sleep to this rhythm. He wondered, when one of the Hulk's arms covered his dozing body, if this is what it felt like to be protected.

"You know I love you, right Brucey?" Tony asked, an arm around Pepper's waist. "Sorry if I riled you, both of you up yesterday."

The Hulk shook his massive head. "Tin Man no do wrong. Tin Man no know how to deal with em-ot-ions." The giant scratched his head. "Bruce very smart."

Tony, who had looked momentarily stunned, shook his head and chucked. "Yes. Bruce is very smart."

"Bruce love all you." He declared. "Hulk like you puny people too."

"And we love you and Bruce!" Pepper declared, holding his thumb.

"KIDS!" The Hulk thundered, scaring everyone. "BRUCE NO WANT ANYONE TO GET HURT. HULK PROTECT FAMILY! BRUCE THINK YOU ARE KIDDIES! EVEN TIN MAN!"

"Trust me," Clint grinned happily. "We know."

Before Bruce began to shrink, Natasha had already retrieved a pair of pants and pulled them on the rapidly thinning legs so that Bruce would at least have pants on when he was back to normal.

Looking around, the scientist couldn't believe what had just happened. He remembered bits and pieces, but knew that he wasn't going to hear the end of it from any of them.

"Don't say it." He held up a finger.

"Or you'll do what? Hulk-out?" Steve smirked. "Turns out that the big guy likes us more than you do, and he even said it."

Bruce groaned. Why him?

"So you'll adopt us now?" Clint asked jokingly, but Bruce heard what wasn't said. _Please_.

"Well, I am sixteen years older than you Clint. I suppose that could make me old enough to be your father..." He laughed at the expression on the archer's face.

No one noticed the clicks that were happening in the corner, and the quiet snickers from Tony and Thor.

"Tony," Bruce began warily. "What are you doing?"

"JARVIS, keep recording." Tony muttered silently.

"Nothing, father mine." He said in a way that made Bruce know that he was up to something.

"Tony."

Then it clicked in Bruce's mind. No, this couldn't be happening. No!

"ANTHONY STARK! DELETE THAT THRICE DAMNED VIDEO THIS INSTANT!_"_

The laughter in the room was contagious

But it was too late as Tony's finger clicked _upload, _and Youtube would soon be seeing the softer side of the Hulk. Plus, Tony knew that some of the ladies were seriously going to appreciate the view of Bruce Banner's hardened chest coming straight at the camera. Bruce needed to get laid...soon. Perhaps Jane would allow that striking lab assistant of hers...Darcy Lewis to come up to the city for a weekend or forever.

* * *

A few hours later, Bruce was nursing a cup of tea in his hand when Clint burst in with a newspaper in his hand screaming,"Dad, Dad! Look what I found!"

And in his hand there a copy of the morning newspaper, the front page of which was covered in pictures of him, as in Bruce Banner, and him the Hulk. The title of this article was called **The Hulk: Is Bruce Banner the Earth's Mightiest Father?**

Then there was a picture of the six Avengers saving New York City, a couple quotes from Tony, Clint, and Natasha, saying how wonderful Bruce was, and how lucky they were to have him as their dad.

Bruce just stared at the article, then at Clint, who was still smiling. "What the hell is this?" He asked blankly, registering that Clint had just called him _dad_, and that he hadn't done a damn thing against it.

"Just read it, _dad_." Steve said merrily, plopping down next to Clint.

"Yes Father, please read the wonderful paper!" Thor yelled from across the room eating some Pop-tarts that Bruce had bought him the other day.

"Seriously, pops, go for it." Natasha watched Bruce from over her coffee cup.

"Hey, daddy-o!" Tony called out to him, pulling up a screen out of nowhere courtesy of JARVIS. The grin on the billionaire's face didn't bode well for Bruce _at all_."

"You've gotta check this out."

Because there, on the screen, was the scene from this morning, complete with a half-naked Bruce Banner running to stop Tony from continuing to shoot the thing.

"700 million hits?" Bruce stammered weakly. "In three hours?"

"Hm, 87,567,676 likes already. Only 72 dislikes. This could be bigger than Gangnam Style." Natasha commented, looking over Bruce's shoulder to see the video.

"General Ross probably made 72 accounts and disliked this video." Steve added, which caused everyone to turn to him in disbelief.

"What?" He asked defensively. "I'm learning."

"Good job, Steve." Bruce patted his shoulder supportively, already giving up on trying not to be a father. It was too hard. "It's still hard to believe that the other guy...likes all of you."

"He said that you _love_ us." Tony stated smugly.

"So?" Bruce shot back, effectively supporting what the other guy had said.

"Nothing...nothing." Clint whistled to himself, his eyes looking awfully shiny.

Bruce hid a smile as he drank one last sip from his tea. Yes, he loved them, all of them. They were one big dysfunctional, but happy family. A family that he was a part of it.

He was _their dad._

And no one was going to change that.

* * *

"You watching this, Coulson?" Fury asked his agent as they both watched the footage Stark had sent them.

"Watching sir, but not quite believing." He replied, inwardly laughing his head off when he watched the Hulk say that he liked all of them, even him, which had surprised him because he hadn't spent that much time with the Hulk. He had however, enjoyed Banner's company, particularly when they discussed physics.

"We're going to keep this Phil." Fury said slowly, "And show it to any damned fool who thinks that the Hulk is nothing but a monster."

"Of course sir, but we don't have to keep it. Stark put it on Youtube."

Fury just glanced at him with one eye. "Still, we show this to _everyone_."

"Yes sir."

The cyclops took one look at his agent and sighed. "Phil."

"Sir?"

"Go home."

"But it's only ten in the morning, sir."

Fury smirked. "So?"

"Isn't there work to be done?"

"Just leave, agent. This is an order."

If Coulson was startled, he didn't show it. "Okay sir."

"And Phil?"

He turned around. "Sir?"

"Enjoy the time with your family."

Phil Coulson just smiled, thinking about all the people waiting for him back home. "I will sir."

Having the Hulk throw and catch you looked like so much fun.

He couldn't wait to try it.

* * *

_Fin_

_Written for the first Avenger, the one who made them a family: PHIL COULSON_


End file.
